STOP BULLYING BEFORE IT STARTS
STOP BULLYING BEFORE IT STARTS
What You Pay Attention To Grows!
It's amazing how powerful our focus can be in shaping our lives and the world around us.
The Virtues Project is proving this every day by creating a culture where children are free to explore their full potential and become the expression of their best selves. But what about those such as bullies, whose actions have the effect of hurting others? They are just as important and deserve the chance to transform.
What if there were ways to change a bully’s behavior?
I’d like to tell you about a man who traveled to the Netherlands to attend a training after seeing the value of recognizing inner strengths (virtues) using the Five Strategies of The Virtues Project to become the best expression of ourselves.
Gerrit De Moor worked for an organization in Belgium that provided residential care and education for troubled youths in five group homes. Bullying was a serious issue between the different groups. When the staff identified the ring leader, they focused their efforts on dealing with his behavior, which embarrassed him, and made him feel ashamed for doing something he didn't think was wrong. His parents, who condoned his actions, threatened to remove him from the school if the staff continued to single him out.
While considering how to handle the situation, Gerrit was reminded of the old adage, “What you pay attention to grows.” He remembered how his Virtues Project Facilitator Training had helped him replace blaming and shaming bad behavior with gentle reminders of who we are and what kind of person we want to be. That prompted him to change the focus from simply punishing the bully to identifying and reinforcing positive behavior using the Five Strategies of The Virtues Project.
He chose to start with the group who were the most aggressive bullies. Using the Five Strategies helped him Recognize Teachable Moments where he was able to identify and acknowledge virtues, such as assertiveness, in students who hadn’t believed they had redeemable qualities.
Just imagine yourself as one of these students. No longer being told what you are doing wrong and how you need to change on a daily basis, and instead someone tells you, “I see the virtue of assertiveness in you!” Like a flower that reaches for the warmth of the sun, you’d want more…
Within a few weeks, staff noticed improvements in the student’s behavior. The organization's director invited Gerrit to explain the principles, strategies, and practices and they proceeded to implement the project for everyone, which included 600 children and 600 staff.
They were fortunate to have a university college student on staff who based his dissertation on this new approach and helped Gerrit train the team. They found ways to infuse The Five Strategies of Virtues Project into their environment, choosing a Virtue of the Month and focussing on five virtues: Patience, Respect, Tolerance, Trust, and Cooperation. The goal was for each of the five staff members to recognize and acknowledge at least one child with one Virtue each day and post the results on the wall.
The atmosphere started to change.
It became more “cool” to have acknowledgements beside your name than being known as a bully. If the students only had two of the five virtues, they looked for ways to earn the other three. Soon, staff were acknowledging the virtues in each other, and parents were asking about the “Virtues” that were changing their children’s lives.
Encouraging virtues such as Patience, Respect, Tolerance, Trust, and Cooperation can foster the development of young adults who value themselves, each other, and the world around them. A child who once identified as a bully can transform as they recognize their virtues ’within and choose to play a role in helping the world become a safer, more peaceful place to live.
What is happening globally?
It is inspiring to know that one of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) adopted by the United Nations was amended at the request of children to give a specific focus on the welfare of children and highlighted “creating a world where children feel safe, free from violence, healthy, educated and their rights respected by 2030”.
What is The Virtues Project doing?
What’s even more fascinating is that The Virtues Project, founded over twenty years earlier, had similar goals. It began with the idea that we were all born with innate virtues and that when we awaken these inner gifts, we can change the world! This basic understanding is foundational for many of the SDG’s global efforts to improve living conditions in the present while safeguarding the future.
What can I do?
Look for the good in people and acknowledge the virtues that you see.
Support The Virtues Project initiatives which help people unlock their full potential, find self-worth, and have the courage to step into the light and change their world.
Remember to pay attention to the good in the people around you and watch them grow!